joy & grief

Joy.  Grief.  They are at opposite ends of the spectrum and yet do we not often experience them side-by-side? 

Goodbyes.  Separation.  If only I could wrap up my loved ones and tuck them into the corner of my suitcase like the colorful socks and green hand towels that are now in that very spot.  If only we didn't know so very keenly the pain of separation, time and time again.

My life as a missionary kid and now as a missionary myself has been full of goodbyes, of heartaches brought about by distance and separation.  To not recognize that grief is to gloss over and not acknowledge the beauty of my relationships.  It hurts because I love.  In my family we have a saying, "If it didn't hurt as much to say goodbye, we wouldn't love as much as we do."

I cannot wish for a life without the grief of separation because I cannot wish for a life without the love of family and friends.  I cannot wish for a life that is not in obedience to following God's call, even to the other side of the world.  However, I can choose not to dwell in that grief.  Rather, I am choosing to recognize the grief and I am thankful for what it represents.

My heart is hurting and it will hurt again, but it is not broken because it rests in the hands of my Savior.